Can I have your Attention, Please?


Seriously I wonder about the depth and conviction of our American citizens. This week the Dow had its worse day in a month, gas prices continued to outstrip my wallet, and sabers are rattling in at least three strategic hot spots around the world.

You would think these major stories would top the news right? Wrong! Imagine my chagrin when the leading stories on one major news website last Friday was, “Woman reels in monster fish after four hour battle, Miley Cyrus wears short shorts in New York City, and ten countries where teens can’t find jobs. Really?

Have we taken our eyes off the ball that far? In the past few weeks I have read the government plans to install global tracking devices in all our vehicles, presumably just to get a sampling of how many miles we travel annually. Insiders tell us otherwise. They say it’s a radical new source of revenue. We will slowly be taxed by how many miles we drive each year. When the story broke, you would have expected a firestorm of anger. Did we get it? Nope, the media slumbered and focused instead on an actress’s hemline.

Two national airlines announced recently that they were going to add more seats to existing jets. The new plan promises to minimize leg room and create logistical inconveniences if you’re taller than Mini-Me (3 ft.). It’s bad enough I presently feel like a sardine in my airline seat, now I can look forward to feeling like a fruit roll-up.

This week two major gossip magazines touted that Armageddon is near and the Mayan calendar is running out of time, thus the end of the world. Americans response…crickets chirping.

So how do we get the attention of Americans to care about timely and pertinent monumental events? I mean if the world is going to end at any moment in a cataclysmic explosion, can’t we discuss the implications?

Oh wait, hold that thought, I’ll be right back, Kim Kardashian is just announcing a new bathing suit line.

Posted in My Thoughts on Today | Tagged | 1 Comment

A Message from my Blog


  Greetings Friends and Bloggers,

Blogging can be easy when you’re inspired. A bit more difficult when the creative juices slow down a tad. I am endeavoring to make my blog a place where one can get lost for a moment and smile.

I’ve only been doing a blog for four weeks now and already my numbers are achieving the number of a small family reunion. 🙂 I would however like to see my blog numbers grow.

I do appreciate your comments and feedback and don’t be shy. It’s difficult to know if you’re actually hitting a funny bone, or someone’s last nerve. lol

I will be updating my blog each week with 3-4 new stories (or more if I am really inspired).  I would love for you to share this site with friends and colleagues. You can also have my site update you each time the blog is updated so you can be in the loop on the latest entries.

Thank you for giving me a place to sweep my brain of it’s cobwebs. I’m having so much funImage

Posted in My Thoughts on Today | 2 Comments

The Ostrich Way


I recently took a momentous step. I became an ostrich. You know, the kind of creature that when the stress of life gets so bad, it buries it’s head in the sand? I cut off cable and bought a digital media player for my TV. Now I watch selective shows on demand without commercials. Ah, no more obnoxious Progressive commercials, no more screaming car ads, no more World Wrestling promos with leather clad women and Neanderthals. I am now blissfully ignorant of the world and loving it.

Now instead of bad news, I get a blank screen. Politicians can no longer lie to me because they are now only a figment of my imagination. I no longer see Weather Channel rubes reporting from a cheap coastal brick motel in 100 mile per hour winds tethered by a bungee cord flapping horizontally shouting, “Wow this storm is really bad.” Yeah, we kinda figured that out when we saw a spinning house and a woman in the clouds riding a bike with a dog in her basket.

Yes, I have traded in my worldly stress for sheer ignorance, and it’s saving me $43 dollars per month!

I was so proud of myself, but I was snapped back into reality when I stepped into the grocery store. I had forgotten my coupons and value card, a double hit. I groaned, “No, not the value card, everything would be full price now”. And do I mean full price. Wow, food is really expensive. I paid the bill begrudgingly gritting my teeth. I shelled out my hard earned money and began to walk my buggy (cart) out to the car. Yelling to me from behind was the cashier who said, Sir, I owe you change of $5, come back!

Still reeling from sticker shock at the outrageous food prices, I turned and said, “No keep the change. I owe it to you anyway, I stepped on a grape on the way in.”

Excuse me, if you need me, yell loudly. I’m heading back home to place my head in it’s rightful place, my hole in the ground.

Posted in My Thoughts on Today | Tagged | 3 Comments

Men are Helpless


When God created man, He said in a booming voice, “Man shall not live alone!” He didn’t elaborate why. This past week, it became perfectly clear. I discovered that if a man is left alone for a single day, he regresses into infantile helplessness. I mean, how is it that in the same house I’ve lived in for years, I can’t find soap, toilet paper, sugar, or anything else now that I’m alone?

I remember the first night my wife called me while she was away. I felt as if she were belittling me with her questions. The exchange went something like this.

Wife: “Hi Honey, did you get your color-coded knee socks I stapled to the cork board, the tie I wrapped around the rear-view mirror of the car, and the underwear over the lamp so you wouldn’t forget anything?”

Husband: “Yes Dear, but why was my toothbrush in the refrigerator”?

Wife: “It was the likely place. You’d reach for the brush after you put the milk away.”

Husband: “Honey please!, I think I’m big enough to brush my teeth without you telling me!”

Wife: “The way you cut corners, I figured you’d gargle with Polident so you wouldn’t have to brush. Besides, I want you to look good for work tomorrow. Oh, I forgot to iron you a shirt didn’t I?”

Husband: “That’s okay Dear, I placed one of my shirts between two pieces of plywood and ran the car over it multiple times. You’d be amazed, it almost looks like you ironed it except for a few splinters!”

Wife: “YOU WHAT?”

Husband: “By the way Honey, do you know why the washing machine turned all my underwear pink? Are you supposed to separate the colors?”

The bottom line is my wife is cutting her trip short to her Mother’s and enrolling me in a series of classes for dysfunctional men. Monday is “Intro to Laundry, Tuesday is “Sorting 1A” (it used to be called Advanced Laundry), Wednesday is “Football-A Disease”, Thursday is “Garbage to Dumpster Techniques”, and Friday is “Remote Dependency-Yes you can overcome it”

Maybe man was meant to live alone once and a while. My wife agrees, it’s called camping.

Posted in My Thoughts on Today | Tagged | 1 Comment