The Ostrich Way

I recently took a momentous step. I became an ostrich. You know, the kind of creature that when the stress of life gets so bad, it buries it’s head in the sand? I cut off cable and bought a digital media player for my TV. Now I watch selective shows on demand without commercials. Ah, no more obnoxious Progressive commercials, no more screaming car ads, no more World Wrestling promos with leather clad women and Neanderthals. I am now blissfully ignorant of the world and loving it.

Now instead of bad news, I get a blank screen. Politicians can no longer lie to me because they are now only a figment of my imagination. I no longer see Weather Channel rubes reporting from a cheap coastal brick motel in 100 mile per hour winds tethered by a bungee cord flapping horizontally shouting, “Wow this storm is really bad.” Yeah, we kinda figured that out when we saw a spinning house and a woman in the clouds riding a bike with a dog in her basket.

Yes, I have traded in my worldly stress for sheer ignorance, and it’s saving me $43 dollars per month!

I was so proud of myself, but I was snapped back into reality when I stepped into the grocery store. I had forgotten my coupons and value card, a double hit. I groaned, “No, not the value card, everything would be full price now”. And do I mean full price. Wow, food is really expensive. I paid the bill begrudgingly gritting my teeth. I shelled out my hard earned money and began to walk my buggy (cart) out to the car. Yelling to me from behind was the cashier who said, Sir, I owe you change of $5, come back!

Still reeling from sticker shock at the outrageous food prices, I turned and said, “No keep the change. I owe it to you anyway, I stepped on a grape on the way in.”

Excuse me, if you need me, yell loudly. I’m heading back home to place my head in it’s rightful place, my hole in the ground.

About enthusiasmiscontagious

I am an individual who analyzes all facets of life in the hopes of squeezing out some of the humorous parts.
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3 Responses to The Ostrich Way

  1. Bonnie Gates says:

    Love your blog John. It makes me laugh and lifts me up each day. Keep up the good work my friend!! May God continue to bless you on this journey…..

    Much love to you and Le Anne,

    Bonnie Gates

  2. Wendy says:

    I guess a person has to come back to reality 😦 but sometimes its nice to just escape!

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