I recently took a momentous step. I became an ostrich. You know, the kind of creature that when the stress of life gets so bad, it buries it’s head in the sand? I cut off cable and bought a digital media player for my TV. Now I watch selective shows on demand without commercials. Ah, no more obnoxious Progressive commercials, no more screaming car ads, no more World Wrestling promos with leather clad women and Neanderthals. I am now blissfully ignorant of the world and loving it.
Now instead of bad news, I get a blank screen. Politicians can no longer lie to me because they are now only a figment of my imagination. I no longer see Weather Channel rubes reporting from a cheap coastal brick motel in 100 mile per hour winds tethered by a bungee cord flapping horizontally shouting, “Wow this storm is really bad.” Yeah, we kinda figured that out when we saw a spinning house and a woman in the clouds riding a bike with a dog in her basket.
Yes, I have traded in my worldly stress for sheer ignorance, and it’s saving me $43 dollars per month!
I was so proud of myself, but I was snapped back into reality when I stepped into the grocery store. I had forgotten my coupons and value card, a double hit. I groaned, “No, not the value card, everything would be full price now”. And do I mean full price. Wow, food is really expensive. I paid the bill begrudgingly gritting my teeth. I shelled out my hard earned money and began to walk my buggy (cart) out to the car. Yelling to me from behind was the cashier who said, Sir, I owe you change of $5, come back!
Still reeling from sticker shock at the outrageous food prices, I turned and said, “No keep the change. I owe it to you anyway, I stepped on a grape on the way in.”
Excuse me, if you need me, yell loudly. I’m heading back home to place my head in it’s rightful place, my hole in the ground.