How Much Does Romance Cost Honey?

Posted on February 21, 2013 by enthusiasmiscontagious

My son called me Friday with a complaint with the world. Not earth shattering, but I can feel his frustration. Roses that cost $25 a dozen on Valentine’s Day were only $9.99 the next day on clearance. A lesson we all learn as we walk through life; love can be expensive.

Our daughter was born on Valentine’s Day so historically speaking, she has been the focus each year not her Mom. Naturally, the next day I dedicate to my wife and what a bargain it is. Dinners out are less, flowers are cheaper, even candy is 50% off. Nothing but the second best for my wife, she likes to joke.

No offense to Hallmark and candy makers, but if I haven’t done my job the other 364 days of the year, a dozen roses might as well have all the charm of a can of Glade bathroom spray.

It’s difficult to flip on the romantic switch when you’ve been knee deep in the fertilizer of life all week long. You arise Valentine’s morning and say to yourself with some panic, “what can I get her unique this year since she didn’t like the shop vac I gave her last year?” Why do I feel like Fred Flintstone at a black tie affair?

I mulled my dilemma on how to show my love appropriately all day. It didn’t help that Singer Beyonce Knowles was in the news for having just given her husband Jayzee a watch for Valentine’s. No not the kind of watch you’d find at a department store that turns your arm green after one year of use, like mine. It was a watch that cost $5-million dollars. For $5 million dollars, that thing better dance and have more features than a James Bond gadget from Q. How can I ever wrap my arms around that kind of opulence when in my life a full tank of gas and a bag of groceries in the front seat doubles the value of my car.

After it was all over, I realized the pressure this past week wasn’t as much on me as it was on Beyonce’s husband. If your wife just gave you a watch that cost more than the gross national product of Chile, how are you going to buy her a gift that will top that?

After some reflection, I think I’m the one who is actually better off. I may not have a lot of money but I have a wife who appreciates even a Valentine’s dinner at the Sonic Drive-In. Oh, and just a piece of advice for young lovers. When you leave the car door open a little bit, the dome light casts a nice romantic glow. Ha, who says romance is dead?

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A Message to My Readers

Posted on February 19, 2013 by enthusiasmiscontagious

A quick thank you to those readers who faithfully follow my entries each week. Writing an article three times a week is at times difficult. Trying to be humorous in these challenging times is even more so.

I have tried to stick to a Monday-Wednesday-Friday format but since I am endeavoring to finish some projects and finish writing a book, I am changing my entries to twice a week, Monday and Thursdays. I may sneak in an extra day once and a while if my creativity gets jump started by world events.

While my blog may not be as successful by world standards, (I average about 10-to-40 readers per day, I once hit 98), I have been happy to see that I have been accessed by readers in 26 countries around the world. In the past seven months, I have written over 100 articles and I’ve loved every minute of it.

I hope you enjoy the contributions I make on life each week. If there is a subject that you feel needs a closer inspection, feel free to send me your thoughts on how I can offer my unique perspective. Hopefully, we can squeeze some humor out of it when I do.

Continue to feel free to recommend my website to your friends and family, I’m having a blast and I’ve had a great time placing my thoughts on (electronic) paper.

 

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I’ve Been Insulted Again

Posted on February 18, 2013 by enthusiasmiscontagious

Why is it that to a young person, anyone over the age of 30 is ancient? I was standing at the back of the department store waiting for my wife to finish trying on her umpteenth dress. I saw two sales woman approach me to empty the rack of tried and untrue clothes woman had opted not to buy next to me. The youngest employee (a mere 19 or 20) I asked her a question. “How come you don’t offer a chair for the husbands to sit on here?” She answered back, ” I don’t know.” I would have been satisfied with that if she hadn’t additionally said, “I know how you old people really like it when we do have chairs.”

It was at that moment that I had flashes into my future. I heard, “Mr Baker, it’s time to take your meds before your 10 am. nap.” I imagined myself driving a 25 year old Cadillac at 25 miles per hour down the road with it’s right blinker stuck on. I could even see myself at Trembling Hills Old Geezer’s Home playing “Drop the Shawl and Spin the Hot Water Bottle with my prune-like friends.”

Words are a powerful thing. I hope she didn’t mean anything by her innocuous comments. But the next time I’m going to use reverse psychology when a young person patronizes me. I’m going to reach in my pocket and pull out a couple Chucky Cheese coins and give it to them. It will bring me joy to happily say, “have a good time when you play in the ball pit at your next birthday party.”

On second thought, maybe I should just say, “You work here? I thought child labor laws forbid working during hours when you should be in middle school.”

Old huh? Next time someone makes a comment like that, I may have to hurt them with my cane. I may even be angry enough to hurl a tennis ball or two at them off the bottom of my walker!

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Dispelling Three Myths

Posted on February 15, 2013 by enthusiasmiscontagious

A repost from July 2012

All my life, I have walked the fine line of mundane. I do three things daily not because of their importance, but rather because I’ve always done them a particular way. The worse part is I don’t know why!

For instance, how many of us, despite the power of our subconscious, fail to remove tickets attached to our pillows or mattresses? You know, the ones that say in big bold letters, “Under penalty of law cannot be removed? ” I know, it looks so ominous and official, so naturally we think we’ll get in trouble if we remove the annoying thing.

Myth #1: 3 am, Knock, Knock, Knock, “Open Up!” “Hurry Agnes, get the duct tape, it’s the Mattress Police. Where in the world did you place all those blasted tags?” “I don’t know, I think I took one to work the other day to show the office how tough I was!” “YOU WHAT?”

Reality: A mattress devoid of its tag looks like your 102-year old Aunt Edna with her blue tinged wig. Yes it looks silly, but hey you’re used to it.

Myth #2 Men are always told when marrying a woman they should look at the mother of the bride. The reasoning, one day the bride will look exactly like her mother.

Reality: Actually, this is not a myth! It’s just that you have to spend the remainder of your marital existence denying, while she gets ready in front of the mirror, that she is not morphing into her mother.

Myth #3 A daily change of underwear is paramount to success.

Have you ever asked your 30 year-old son if he’s changed his underwear? The reason you ask is because you’d be embarrassed if he got into an accident and the emergency room staff would see him. Which reminds me, how many nurses take time out to write someone’s mother?

” Dear Mrs. Jones, I thought you should know that your son embarrassed his family lineage today. He wore a pair of boxer shorts into our ER that looked they’d been used as a battle flag in the War of 1812. It also pains me to have to tell you that…egads… they were, well let’s just say that parts weren’t in their original color and design. Please move out of state, change your name, save yourself!”

Reality: Even if you wore a clean pair of underwear, wouldn’t a near miss with an oncoming cement truck initiate the need for a new pair?

So what have we learned today from the three myths of life? Go ahead, live dangerously! Rip the offending tags off our old mattresses and wear the same shorts for two days if you like. But whatever you do, don’t tell your wife she is looking like her mother. It’s okay to live life on the edge once and a while, but NOT recklessly.

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