Why is it that to a young person, anyone over the age of 30 is ancient? I was standing at the back of the department store waiting for my wife to finish trying on her umpteenth dress. I saw two sales woman approach me to empty the rack of tried and untrue clothes woman had opted not to buy next to me. The youngest employee (a mere 19 or 20) I asked her a question. “How come you don’t offer a chair for the husbands to sit on here?” She answered back, ” I don’t know.” I would have been satisfied with that if she hadn’t additionally said, “I know how you old people really like it when we do have chairs.”

It was at that moment that I had flashes into my future. I heard, “Mr Baker, it’s time to take your meds before your 10 am. nap.” I imagined myself driving a 25 year old Cadillac at 25 miles per hour down the road with it’s right blinker stuck on. I could even see myself at Trembling Hills Old Geezer’s Home playing “Drop the Shawl and Spin the Hot Water Bottle with my prune-like friends.”

Words are a powerful thing. I hope she didn’t mean anything by her innocuous comments. But the next time I’m going to use reverse psychology when a young person patronizes me. I’m going to reach in my pocket and pull out a couple Chucky Cheese coins and give it to them. It will bring me joy to happily say, “have a good time when you play in the ball pit at your next birthday party.”

On second thought, maybe I should just say, “You work here? I thought child labor laws forbid working during hours when you should be in middle school.”

Old huh? Next time someone makes a comment like that, I may have to hurt them with my cane. I may even be angry enough to hurl a tennis ball or two at them off the bottom of my walker!