If you haven’t been to the doctors office recently, you’re in for a real treat. Thanks to the high cost of medicine lately, people in waiting rooms are sicker than ever.

Don’t believe me, just walk into a waiting room and observe. The sickest barely walk in and sit down. Within moments of their sneezing, coughing, itching, and groans from lumbago, like oil drops in water, the healthiest of us migrate to the sides of the room to avoid the airborne germ particles. As quickly as a moth is drawn to a lightbulb the healthiest of us stay clear, we can’t help it.

If your physician’s office more and more sounds like a tuberculosis ward, you know you’re in the right place. It’s nice the practice supplies magazines, but do you really want to pick one of them up and read it? I find it ironic that every office I’ve been in, has a copy of Health Magazine on the side tables yet it probably has a bacteria count of a porta-potty at Woodstock 2.

To get my mind off my strained visit, I choose to entertain myself by staring at the frazzled mother with five children that looks like she combed her hair with a pitchfork. Wearing garish pajamas while ignoring her brood of five runny noses, she repeats as if she’s a broken record one word for a solid hour “Queee-it”. Her southern accent makes the word quit sound like a two-syllable word. The five ignore her like a flea on a hound dog.

It’s at this time the song by Dr. Demento, “They’re coming to take me away to the Funny Farm” begins to play endlessly in my head.

I begin to wonder how this germ infested bus stop will affect my blood pressure reading when I am called. I can only imagine the nurse taking my pulse and blood pressure only to stand back and yell like she’s waiting for a whale to spew, “He’s going to blow!”

When I was summoned to the exam room, the wait had changed my status. My blood pressure was through the roof and my resting heart rate was as if I had ridden a roller coaster without a safety harness.

The unexpected EKG and muscle relaxant was my release to go home. The kicker was I had only come to the office for minor blood work and now I was leaving with a prescription to take it easy.

Next time I visit the doctors office I better be hallucinating and do what they do when you have wisdom teeth pulled, knock me out!