Childlike Proverbs


Since I am on vacation this week, I thought I would share with you the first grade teacher who asked her students to fill in the blanks of some well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the remaining part.

1. As You Shall Make Your Bed So Shall You… Mess It Up.
2. Better Be Safe Than… Punch A 5th Grader.

3. Strike While The… Bug Is Close.
4. It’s Always Darkest Before… Daylight Savings Time.

5. Never Under Estimate The Power Of… Termites.
6. You Can Lead A Horse To Water But.. How?

7. Don’t Bite The Hand That… Looks Dirty.
8. No News Is… Impossible.

9. A Miss Is As Good As A… Mr.
10. You Can’t Teach An Old Dog New… Math.

11. If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You’ll… Stink In The Morning.
12. Love All, Trust.. Me

13. The Pen Is Mightier Than The… Pigs.
14. An Idle Mind Is… The Best Way To Relax.

15. Where There’s Smoke, There’s… Pollution.
16. Happy The Bride Who… Gets All The Presents!

17. A Penny Saved Is… Not Much.
18. Two’s Company, Three’s… The Musketeers.

19. Don’t Put Off Tomorrow What… You Put On To Go To Bed.
20. Laugh And The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry And… You Have To Blow Your Nose.

21. None Are So Blind As… Helen Keller.
22. Children Should Be Seen And Not… Spanked Or Grounded.

23. If At First You Don’t Succeed… Get New Batteries.
24. You Get Out Of Something What You… See Pictured On The Box.

25. When The Blind Leadeth The Blind… Get Out Of The Way.

I can sure see a lot of truth in their answers. Enjoy your week.

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Rockets Red Glare, Bombs Skimming my Hair


It was the Bicentennial of our nation, July 4, 1976. In the far reaches of our country, towns across the fruited plain were rolling out the greatest 4th of July celebrations ever seen. While the tall ships of nations crowded the harbors of great cities like Boston, New York, and San Francisco, I was missing it all. I was working my first summer as a camp counselor in the tiny town of Weld, Maine. To understand how small this town was, it had only two minuscule convenience stores. While I don’t recall the first store’s name, I couldn’t forget the second one. It was simply known as, “The Other Store.” The sign said so.

The town boasted a pristine lake seven miles long. It was surrounded on three sides by the most beautiful mountains one could ever gaze upon. The lodge of the youth camp I was working, had stood proudly overlooking the west side of the lake since 1925. Made of rock maple, it sported a two ton granite fireplace mantel over it’s majestic fireplace. A large moose head adorned the top of the stone fireplace adding the finishing touch to this impressive lodge.

My first counseling job was historic. I was a member of the first youth camp in Maine to ever give the full camping experience to blind children. Now being July 4th, the staff had gathered together in the early morning to vote on the days events. A boy scout camp on the other end of the lake had called and asked us if we wanted to attend their fireworks display.

We were admonished at the beginning of camp that blind children needed to be treated like any other child. That meant that whatever the typical child did, blind children should do as well. We debated since the best part of fireworks was seeing colors, but after conferring with our campers they were anxious to experience the noise. We loaded up our trucks and vehicles and made the long trek to Camp Kawanee.

The boy’s camp had done their best to welcome us. A set of bleachers had been set along the shoreline, flags had dotted some trees on the windy road in. As we gathered our campers and sat among them on the bleachers, we noticed the fireworks set up. Thirty yards away on a tee-shaped wharf, bottle rockets and flares had been set at intervals pointing skyward for the evenings events. The electricity of excitement passed through the throng of children as we awaited the main event and those that could, watched the sun disappear behind Mt. Blue.

Compared to other bicentennial fireworks displays, this would have been considered pitiful. It didn’t matter to my campers, the camping experience was new, fun, and exciting enough. What we didn’t know, was this event was about to become an interactive experience. The fireworks show began simple enough. A few rockets went off and we explained to our children what the shapes of each display looked like; a marshmallow, a clover leaf etc. The big bangs made the children smile and laugh with glee. However as the grand finale approached, something went horribly awry. One of the counselors setting off the rockets made a misstep. Like a domino effect, the remaining rockets not only fell on their sides but were now pointing directly at us. Within seconds, rockets were whizzing past our heads, exploding around us, behind us, and over us. While those of us who could see were scurrying for cover or trying to protect our campers with our bodies, the blind children got even more animated. The louder the rockets and flares around us, the more clapping and laughing they did. As the smoke cleared and the grand finale ended around us, my campers couldn’t have been happier. They excitedly told us they had never experienced a fireworks display so noisy and fun in their life. They said it seemed like the fireworks were right up close this time. They had no idea.

As I gathered my campers for the ride home, I was humbled by one central thought. The very hand of God’s providence that formed our nation, had once again been used, this time to protect my campers. I might have missed some great bicentennial celebrations, but tonight it didn’t matter, I saw God’s hand, and that was good enough for me.

God Bless America and have a great celebration.

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Sandpaper in a Swimsuit


Being on vacation, I’ll include a best of article from July 2012

My wife has a saying that has always rung true with me, some people are sandpaper. I think all of us have someone in mind when you read these words. We all know that some people can be a little irritating while others can be a high grit hooligan. This is the sandpaper God has placed in our lives to smooth our own deficiencies. We must practice restraint, protect our peaceful aura, all the while blessing the individuals who sometimes rub us raw.

I have a bad back and I find floating in the pool to be both peaceful and therapeutic. Usually my wife and I wrap up a taxing day with a quiet conversation in a serene setting, the pool. Not tonight. A little boy swimming at the pool had zeroed in on me the moment I climbed into the pool. He jumped on my back, and each time I tried to get away from him, he would flail at me and scratch me. I couldn’t even swim into the deep end to lose him because he had big yellow floaties around his chubby little arms.

I was ashamed that my first thought was to make a mental note: bring a huge bobbie pin for my next encounter and pop his flotation device to keep him in the shallow end. Then it hit me, I was so embarrassed, my sandpaper for the day this little kid, had brought out the worse trait in me. I can’t believe that I wanted to pop his floaties! As I reflected on my shame I had an epiphany. If I did pop his gargantuan yellow water wings, it might have sent him flying and careening around the pool like a quickly deflating balloon. That thought made me smile!

Boy, does God still have some work to do on me!

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God, Family, & Hand Sanitizer


There are many things in life that offer me security. God, my Bible, Family, and Hand Sanitizer. It’s not always in that order. I occasionally over due the hand sanitizer in front of my family depending on the circumstances. Hand Sanitizer for me is the elixir of life. It may be that it’s protective properties are no better than your teenage son taking the car on his first date and saying as he drives off, “Don’t worry Dad.” But for me, I’m happy that it gives me even a false sense of security, it’s better than nothing.

My Father once gave me the best advice on life. He used to say, “If you want a guarantee in life, buy a toaster.” He was correct, there are no real guarantees. Yet that slimy gel that has all the personality of Sterno, sure comes pretty close.

My wife and I were visiting a poor family in Appalachia. Their broken couch legs were replaced by cement blocks. The house was a wreck. The women looked like she traded her shampoo bottle for Grease Relief. Her 18-month old toddler was thirsty for attention in his playpen. Screaming and endeavoring to monopolize his Mother’s attention, the mother turned to us and asked if we would hold him. My wife readily agreed and despite his dirty little face and hands, she took the child from her arms.

Once on her lap, my wife stated, “Oh he’s wet from head to toe.” To which the mother replied, “Oh he’s gotten into the bad habit of playing in the toilet, we can hardly keep him out of it.” It was then my wife shared a mutual hand sanitizer moment with me. My wife walked back out to the car after our visit looking like she had just hugged a hot wood stove; arms out, and tentative. Thanks to my wife, I now carry a pump action hand sanitizer container the size of Volkswagen Beetle in the trunk of our Lincoln.

As I reflect on this incident and some yet to come, I cringe at approaching the age of Grandpa-hood. If I am to minimize my dependency on hand sanitizer then I want changes to the diapers in America. Like a program uploading to my computer, I want a digital bar on that back of each child’s diaper that shows when the diaper is loading and when it will be 100% complete. This feature alone would save thousands of diapers from being changed too soon. It would also be credited for saving the potential limited supply of hand sanitizer for future generations. I couldn’t tell you what’s on the list we hear so much about regarding saving the earth’s natural resources. But hand sanitizer better be on it.

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