God, Family, & Hand Sanitizer


There are many things in life that offer me security. God, my Bible, Family, and Hand Sanitizer. It’s not always in that order. I occasionally over due the hand sanitizer in front of my family depending on the circumstances. Hand Sanitizer for me is the elixir of life. It may be that it’s protective properties are no better than your teenage son taking the car on his first date and saying as he drives off, “Don’t worry Dad.” But for me, I’m happy that it gives me even a false sense of security, it’s better than nothing.

My Father once gave me the best advice on life. He used to say, “If you want a guarantee in life, buy a toaster.” He was correct, there are no real guarantees. Yet that slimy gel that has all the personality of Sterno, sure comes pretty close.

My wife and I were visiting a poor family in Appalachia. Their broken couch legs were replaced by cement blocks. The house was a wreck. The women looked like she traded her shampoo bottle for Grease Relief. Her 18-month old toddler was thirsty for attention in his playpen. Screaming and endeavoring to monopolize his Mother’s attention, the mother turned to us and asked if we would hold him. My wife readily agreed and despite his dirty little face and hands, she took the child from her arms.

Once on her lap, my wife stated, “Oh he’s wet from head to toe.” To which the mother replied, “Oh he’s gotten into the bad habit of playing in the toilet, we can hardly keep him out of it.” It was then my wife shared a mutual hand sanitizer moment with me. My wife walked back out to the car after our visit looking like she had just hugged a hot wood stove; arms out, and tentative. Thanks to my wife, I now carry a pump action hand sanitizer container the size of Volkswagen Beetle in the trunk of our Lincoln.

As I reflect on this incident and some yet to come, I cringe at approaching the age of Grandpa-hood. If I am to minimize my dependency on hand sanitizer then I want changes to the diapers in America. Like a program uploading to my computer, I want a digital bar on that back of each child’s diaper that shows when the diaper is loading and when it will be 100% complete. This feature alone would save thousands of diapers from being changed too soon. It would also be credited for saving the potential limited supply of hand sanitizer for future generations. I couldn’t tell you what’s on the list we hear so much about regarding saving the earth’s natural resources. But hand sanitizer better be on it.

About enthusiasmiscontagious

I am an individual who analyzes all facets of life in the hopes of squeezing out some of the humorous parts.
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