Random Thoughts As We Age…
Author unknown

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet!

I don’t trip over things, I do random gravity checks!

Old age is coming at a really bad time!

When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment … now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!

The biggest lie I tell myself is … “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”

Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

I don’t have gray hair. I have “wisdom highlights”. I’m just very wise.

My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance to morons that needs work.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve placed them on my knees.

The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes”.

I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do that second week.

I’ve lost my mind and I’m pretty sure my wife took it!

Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.

Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?

Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a tree … that makes it a plant which means … chocolate is Salad !!!

I conclude with THE SENILITY PRAYER :

Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.