Have you ever taken unsolicited advice from someone who doesn’t take the very same counsel they give you? I hate it when a person whose built like the Kool Aid man tells you, it’s you who needs to lose weight. One of my favorite cartoons depicts two women sitting at a table talking about their New Years resolutions. Sipping coffee, one turns to the other and says, “My New Years resolution is to stop sticking my foot in my mouth. I bet yours is to lose weight.” I know we all have an abundance of these kind of people in our lives.
This week, thanks to an initiative to minimize the chunkiness of American citizens, the federal government declared war on school bake sales and birthday cupcakes. No more Big Gulps, Ring Dings or Moon Pies, we all are going to have to embrace foods that make rabbit noses twitch with delightful anticipation. As we digest this this new “norm”, I can’t help but envision some kid with a trench coat walking the halls of his elementary school and hawking illegal Rice Krispy Treats like a spy selling state secrets. No one has to tell me snacks are the lowest on the food totem pole. But my conundrum is bake sales offer me the very same feelings I had when I began dating my wife and she walked into a room. My pulse raises, I salivate, and I become weak in the knees.
It seems everyday I read what new heights our government takes to overreach in our lives. If present leadership was by example, I might take advice on healthier food choices. But don’t ask me to trade in my chocolate bar for a health bar that tastes like peanut covered compost with raisins that could mask themselves as bullets if we see White House party tables adorned like Golden Corral dessert bars. If I have to sacrifice, why can’t our leaders? The same goes for healthcare, congressional budgets, opulent government vacations, free speech, and government handouts. Wasn’t it the politicians that began the mantra of “We need to do what’s fair?”
A husband and wife had been most anxious to determine how their son would turn out. Would he amount to anything or would he make something of himself? The father after much debate devised a plan to figure out what their son would become. They set up what he thought was a fool proof test on the kitchen table. While they hid behind a curtain, they would place a bottle of liquor, a Bible, and a stack of money and watch what their son would do when he thought no one was home. The father told his wife, “If he takes the liquor he’ll be a drunken bum, if he takes the money he’ll be a banker, however if he takes the family Bible, he’ll become a minister.”
Anxiously they waited for their son’s arrival. As he entered the kitchen he yelled for his parents but there was no reply. Thinking he was alone, he studied the table. Pushing aside the liquor and money he picked up the family Bible. Their hearts burst with joy, he was going to become a minister. Then while looking over his shoulder he picked up the money, placed the bottle under his arm and made a quick exit out the door into the neighborhood. Stunned the mother turned to her husband and said, “What does taking all three mean?” To which the husband responded, “It’s worse than we thought, he’s going to be a politician.”
If every politician ends their victory speech with, “I am so honored to serve.” Why is it the only one who seems to be served is themselves?” The congressional approval rating presently stands at 7%. So go ahead legislators, take my snack cake with the cream filling, but come November I’m hoping we save the creaming for you all.