Mother Maintenance

From the Prestonsburg, KY First United Methodist Church Bulletin 5/2002

Many of us take better care of our cars than we do our mothers, yet we only expect our cars to last five or six years, yet we expect mothers to last a lifetime. Here are some items that might be included in a maintenance manual for mothers:

A mother’s engine is one of the most dependable kinds you can find. She can reach top speed from a prone position at a single cry from a sleeping child. Regular breaks are needed to keep up that peak performance. Mothers need a hot bath and a nap every 100 miles, a babysitter and a night out every 100 miles, and a live-in babysitter with a one week vacation every 10,000 miles.

Mother’s batteries should be recharged regularly. Handmade items, notes, flowers, unexpected hugs and kisses and frequent “I Love You’s” will do very well.

When a mother’s carburetor floods, it should be treated immediately with Kleenex and a soft shoulder.

See that she uses her brakes to slow down often and come to a complete stop occasionally.

Most mothers can run indefinitely on hot chocolate, leftovers and salads, but an occasional dinner for two at a nice restaurant will really add to her efficiency. An occasional breakfast in bed is considered premium fuel.

Mothers function best when their bodies are properly maintained. Regular exercise should be encouraged and provided as needed.
(Note: this does not include lawn mowing, see Chassis under Father Maintenance). However if you notice the chassis does begin to sag,
immediately start a program of walking, jogging, swimming, or biking. These are most effective when done with fathers.

Mothers need regular tune-ups. Compliments are both the cheapest and most effective way to keep a mother purring contentedly.

If these instructions are followed, the average mother should last a lifetime and give good service and constant love to
those who need her most.


About enthusiasmiscontagious

I am an individual who analyzes all facets of life in the hopes of squeezing out some of the humorous parts.
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