Whoa, a new horse meat scandal is beginning to stirrup controversy. Somehow an unscrupulous company has tried to “foal” us with a new beef substitute. This explains why the last time I had a steak it tasted like the saddle horn was included. If it’s tough enough to be served with a shoe horn, gulp…the reality is it may have been Mr. Ed. I guess I’ll be thinking twice when i “harness” my tastebuds.

So, what iconic food could be next? Is The dancing rabbit on the front of my Cocoa Puffs box, really offering me genuine corn puffs or something more sinister like rabbit pellet puffs? We already know that hamburgers contain no ham, that devil’s food cake is devoid of ….well you know. However I must admit the last sponge cake I ate, actually tasted like a sponge. Even my fruit of the looms contain no fruit except for the unique individual who wears it.

Where will this madness end? I’m going to have to be more selective each time I shop. I’ll be crushed if I find out that Juan Valdez really didn’t pick my coffee beans? That Eskimo’s can no longer get the credit for making my pies? That I will no longer have to fly to to the Philippines to purchase my large envelopes?

Nope, nothing is truly authentic anymore. I guess I’ll be purchasing Neighbelline Cosmetics for my wife now. When I hoof it to Burger King, trot down to the local meat market, or get a Filly Cheese Steak sandwich, I’ll be asked a question by the sales clerk that will make me cringe from now on. Do you want to purchase this, yea or neigh?