I was perusing the web the other day and an article caught my eye. The article stated, “Five tips for looking younger”. I was intrigued. And why not? In the past six years I have had the privilege of being in the company of wives of friends of mine who are over 20 years older than me. Each time as I was being introduced, individuals made the unfortunate error of thinking I was married to them. I’m not against being married to a 70+ year old woman, but I can wait for this honor.

I recall the heady days of my youth when it would be a compliment in high school, when some college girl would think I was a collegian too. Now I have to bite my tongue when I’m offered the senior menu at my favorite restaurant. This has been happening since I was 38. But I’ve learned that I’m cheaper than I am proud. I take the discount!

When did I go from hip to hip replacement? When did I trade in carrot sticks for jello molds? I think I know. My reality check on growing old occurred some years ago in my early 40’s, when a beautiful young woman who seemed mesmerized by my good looks and cute stories blurted out, “You remind me of my Dad.”I’m sure she felt she was offering me the highest compliment, but why did I feel at that moment that I needed to test drive a walker with the tennis ball feet?

Reverting back to the looking younger article, it listed five things to achieve it; 1. wear a scarf to minimize your neck waddle. Unless I fly a Sopwith Camel, that would be a NO. 2. Eat Oysters for the zinc. Sorry, I try to stay away from foods that have the texture and appearance of a loogie. 3. Act the way you want to look. Ha, that’ll be the day. Does bell bottoms ring a bell? 4. Keep your sense of humor. Are you kidding? I laugh hysterically every time I put my bathing suit on. 5. Blow dry your hair. Is it possible to do anything with three strands?

Oh, I’m not totally defeated. I can still brag that women under the age of 25 tell me I look hot. Except it only occurs in July when I’m mowing the lawn and the temperature outside is over 100 degrees.