I’m not a Star, I like it that Way


Are you one of the millions of people while standing in the grocery store line that’s tempted to peruse the weekly gossip magazines? I mean, how can you not pick up the silly thing when you see an outer space martian in the Oval Office shaking hands with the president with the caption, “Alien endorses the President”. I am now convinced more than ever that the Mayan calender wasn’t prophesying the end of the world, but the end of snack cakes as we know it. The demise of Hostess.

These yellow journalism papers have all the sincerity of a Hollywood agent’s heart and all the veracity of a congressman’s press conference. The way they hound and follow people to get pictures and stories is insidious. I think at least one of them should have the guts to have as it’s slogan, “Our news comes from good stalk”!

I am so glad my life is mundane. I wouldn’t want to be the center of gossip with my every move. Besides, you’re never safe even from a distance. All their pictures are captured by photographers who have lenses bigger than water cooler bottles. This week I saw the indignities one magazine inflicted on it’s intended victims. It was nothing but famous stars in bathing suits at the beach. It wasn’t the ones we would think were attractive and tasteful. No, in some of these pictures, the stars looked like the Good Year blimp in a Speedo. I know if you’re the size of Orson Welles and you want to wear a minuscule bathing suit, can’t just the people at the beach suffer? Why do I want to see that dimpled body on the front page of the magazine while I’m purchasing food no less? While I was tempted to place all my groceries back from being nauseated, it did remind me I forgot something. I went back to get a large container of cottage cheese.

From now on, I will force myself to look away even if the headline reads, “Hillary Clinton pregnant” or “Elvis is alive and running a donut shop in Las Cruces” No, I’ll take the high road. I’ll only accept the most trusted sources in America; Like Better Homes and Gardens. I’ve always wanted to know how to entertain a large family during the holidays where everyone loves the food and conflicts never happen.

About enthusiasmiscontagious

I am an individual who analyzes all facets of life in the hopes of squeezing out some of the humorous parts.
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One Response to I’m not a Star, I like it that Way

  1. Ray says:

    Another goody. What I can’t understand is, how do those magazines sell. Everyone knows they are as fake as wrestling. Hmm, people flock to those events too. Oh well, live and learn. The problem is, some think its one but not the other. Thanks again for an excellent article. I’ve enjoyed every one of them.

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