Does Anyone Know Who the Bad People Are?


Some years ago I attended a convention, I saw an attendee who looked like the lead actor in a horror movie called “Offspring of the Parrot People.” I’m no prude and I believe everyone should find their niche in life, but looking like a cross between a purple emu and a gang biker is a bit much. Was this person a fine upstanding person or not? I couldn’t tell. This made me realize that someone needs to write a book on how one can spot a good or bad person. It would sure help us make a decision in the polling booth.

The most difficult thing about this country’s new generation is you can no longer tell who is the good guy or the bad guy. In the 1920’s through the 1950’s, the bad guy could always be picked out by his hat; it was black. In the 1960’s, it was determined by the length of hair. Now in the new millennium even the worst of criminals looks like a department store mannequin that shops at Macy’s.

Case in point, I was late for my flight in Houston recently and because of increased security, I was delayed in boarding my plane. Imagine my dismay when as I entered the metal detection chamber prior to getting to my gate, the blasted thing went off. Five times I reentered the chamber only to be told that my body was still “riddled” with offending metal. Potential bomb making particles you know! It didn’t matter that at this point I was minus my shoes, suspenders, coins, glasses, wallet, keys, and Lord knows what else. Looking guilty- and who wouldn’t, spread-eagle against the wall with a burly attendant running a salami wand up and down your legs. I found myself actively holding up one hand to the wall and holding up my Khaki’s with the other so that the frustrated line behind me wouldn’t catch a glimpse of me in my jockeys.

I’m an average-looking American. I’ve always paid my taxes. The only thing I was spared was a strip search and making me cough, though I’m not sure that wasn’t bantered among the three security guards. Needless to say, after I secured my Chino’s and gathered my belongings, I was stunned to see a young woman pierced with every conceivable metal except lead, walk through the metal detection chamber unfettered like she was returning an overdue book to the library. “Where is the justice”, I thought. She looked like a fish tackle magnet and this didn’t set off the alarm or was considered out of the ordinary?”

Maybe what someone needs to do is write a book on how to spot a less than stellar person. Maybe a quiz would help. On a scale of 100, take 10 points off for a pierced body part that looks like a dented garbage can lid, 15 points for an open or broken pants zipper, 15 points for a misspelled tattoo and 5 points for shaving off your hair for no earthly reason and looking like an ostrich egg or 35 points for picking your nose during the long commute. Now I know that no person can ever achieve 100 percent; after all, how many of us have been guilty of the latter? Now add up the scores of each person you evaluate and get your desired answer, good or bad. Do you know what a book like this would fetch from desperate fathers who meet their daughter’s boyfriend for the first time and need solace?

Now for a book sequel: “How Can you Tell who is Rich and Who is Poor?” I can see the sales already!

About enthusiasmiscontagious

I am an individual who analyzes all facets of life in the hopes of squeezing out some of the humorous parts.
This entry was posted in The Lighter Side Newspaper column and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Does Anyone Know Who the Bad People Are?

  1. Erling Odell says:

    Read with enjoyment and chuckles.

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