Mom & Dad’s Storage Building is Now Closed


Each time one of our three children have gone off to seek their fortune living on their own, friends would warn us, “Empty Nest Syndrome” is going to hit you. They opined, “You’ll get lonely, you’ll have pangs of nostalgia, the sounds of silence throughout your house will make you lonesome and blue. Ha, I’m still waiting! It has been one year since our youngest and last cherub moved out on his own seeking a new apartment.

Friends ask us all the time, “How are you so successful at getting your children to be independent and move out?” They add, “Our kids never plan to leave.” I tell them, the little secret is walking around the house in nothing but Underoos. You know, the comic strip print themed underwear meant for 4 year olds? Just so you know, it works like a charm. Nothing says its time to hit the road more than seeing Mom and Dad sitting at the breakfast table proudly wearing Snoopy and SpongeBob intimates.

Today our son called, he said words I have waited to hear since our first child left home. He said, “I want all my things at home delivered to my new apartment.” I couldn’t tell you what else he said. The rest of the conversation was a blur. I grabbed my wife in an excitable bear-hug, kissed her breathlessly and jumped up and down. Puzzled she asked, “Did we win something?” I was giddy I said, “It’s better than that! Our last child wants ALL his stuff back.”

As the reality of the moment sunk in, our minds raced forward. Our spare bedroom could finally be reclaimed from our son’s cast off furniture and decorations. The room that for so long had all the charm of a yard sale, could finally be restored to its original intent and glory.

As I quickly lapsed back into the conversation, I asked my son the specifics of his request. He then dropped this bombshell. He only wanted good furniture, our furniture, our personal television, and his winter clothes. “Everything else,” he said nonplussed, “Could be given to Goodwill for all I care.”

Hearing these words was like waking up on your own personal episode of “Hoarders” only to realize you were given the wrong address. You really did live in the clean house next door. I ask myself, when did my son have the epiphany that his stuff has always had the value of a cereal decoder ring?

Before he could change his mind, I hung up the phone and we set out in a loaded pick up truck and brought him everything he asked. Today, we traded away our empty nest syndrome for empty house syndrome.

As we left his new home, we hugged him and told him we loved him. No words of thanks needed to be spoken. Sometimes seeing your own junk in the rear view mirror is all the thanks you need. My empty nest is finally empty, I’m glad it made him full.

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I Impressed my Kids


Impressing your children after the age of fifty has to rank right up there with the same feelings you’d get if you kicked a winning field goal or hit a game winning home run. It’s so rare, it needs to be celebrated.

Driving in my car not long ago I was reminiscing over my days in radio. Earlier in my life, I worked as a radio disc jockey. I recounted that I had mastered the ability to talk over the intro of any song and finish my sentence just before the words of the song began. In other words, I could talk before I stepped on the performer.

My 21 year-old son and I were driving in the car when he turned on the radio and said, “Dad, do your best disc jockey voice and intro to this song now.” I quickly assumed the resonant A.M. voice I used to use, and did exactly what he asked. With a perfect intro to the song, I talked right up to the very second the artist began to sing. I nailed it. With a little surprise and big grin he said with pride, “Dad, you haven’t lost it.” For a Dad, that had to be one of the highest compliments he could have given me.

This week I achieved another honor that makes me smile. It was last July when my desire to write again resurfaced. It was a bit daunting having not written anything for almost 15 years. But now that I’m back at it again, I have reason to celebrate. This past Sunday not only saw my 5000th person read my blog, but I added my 31st country in the world where citizens have accessed my blog. I have had readers from Great Britain, Bulgaria, New Zealand, Laos, Thailand, and Canada just to name a few. Though by other bloggers standards my web page may not be considered huge, it’s satisfying to me that I have made this many friends who enjoy my humor.

Thank you for sharing my web blog with friends and family. I also want to thank you for your encouragement and feedback. I hope the smile I bring you on occasion is worth the time you spend each week reading my perspectives on life each Monday and Thursday. ๐Ÿ™‚

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Five Things My Father Taught Me


The story is told of a Father who was asked by a friend, who is in charge at his home? He answered, “Well, my wife bosses the children. My children boss the dog and cat, and I can say anything I want to the geraniums.

Last year my wife woke me up with a cheery Happy Father’s Day greeting. She excitedly stated, “You can do whatever you want today!” I said, “You mean it?” and she said with a big grin, “Yup”. I committed my first error of the day when I foolishly surmised that her statement meant, I could do whatever I wanted.

I got up and ate breakfast, went back to bed, woke up and watched the ball game, took a nap, then got up for supper. My wife at this point couldn’t contain her disappointment. Sitting across from me she said with great flair, “You did absolutely nothing today!” I smiled and said, “I know, isn’t it great?” The Vulcan death stare prompted me to guess that from now on, I’ll have to ask her what “I” want to do on “MY” day next year. Well, it’s next year now so I’m already psyching myself up to clean the garage today. I have some advice for new husband’s; It’s only Father’s Day when Mother’s happy.

As I reflect on today’s holiday, I am reminded of my own dad. He should have been a cowboy, he would have made the perfect one. Hardworking, honest, fearless, yet sensitive when he needed to be. He taught me that to be a successful father, husband, or friend, you must do five things everyday.

The first thing in being the best Father is to always give those you love a meaningful touch. Over my bed on the wall rests a painted sign my sister gave my wife and me that simply states, “Always kiss me goodnight.” It’s a reminder to never take my wife’s love for granted. No matter the time of day, I never pass up the opportunity to hug, hold, or offer an affirmative pat on the back to those I care about and love.

The second thing in being the best father is always offer a word of encouragement. As he has gotten older, my father has learned anew the importance of saying words like; I’m proud of you, I love you, I sure enjoy your company. When you offer words of affirmation and encouragement, people will grow closer.

The third thing in being a good father is placing a high value on those you care about. Never one to mince words, my dad always showed his children who and what was most important to him.

The fourth thing my dad taught me about being a good dad is share your optimism of being a child of God. My dad has always instilled in me the desire to always look up.

And lastly, my father taught me to never go a day without laughter.

A few years ago when our family dog developed a hideous habit of swatting down wasps and eating them, I asked my dad for advice. With a dry wit he responded, “John, I think it has a B (bee) deficiency.” On a day when I need a laugh, that quip still comes to mind and it still makes me laugh all over again.

I love you Dad, Happy Father’s Day.

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I Am a Roll Model


As a means to inspire others with the power of my willpower over food, I have entered the arena of protein power bars. I selected my brick er…. I meant faux candy bar the other day. I confess, I was blown away with the selection. Don’t assume that because it looks like a candy bar and smells like a candy bar that it’s a real candy bar. The best description of my first taste would be a missing Endeavor Shuttle heat-shield tile dipped in chocolate. The second one wasn’t any better. I thought I had bought a large square packing peanut from the FedEx Store and it was brushed with peanut butter. Either way, my taste buds and my willpower are in an epic battle.

While in Vermont recently visiting family, the phone rang. It was a farmer friend who is always finding creative ways in which to feed his livestock. Do you know Holstein cows have a sweet tooth? He had visited a local bakery and purchased not just a few, but a pallet load of soon to be expiring donuts, cakes, danishes and cookies. When I say it was the good stuff, it WAS THE GOOD STUFF. He loaded his mini van and from the back of his head rest to the top of the van all the way to the rear door, the vehicle was teeming with mouth watering delights. He had called my mother to ask her if she wanted any baked goods before he fed his cows. He arrived and opened the rear door of his van. It was like watching a Skittles commercial with all types of colors falling out the door in abundance.

I try not be be an emotional person but tears came to my eyes. I am convinced I heard an angelic choir from somewhere above singing the Hallelujah Chorus when he asked me what I wanted. This was my moment of truth, this was my Super Man Kryptonite moment. Drugs to me?…..rain drops on a car windshield, alcohol….a pebble to a brick wall, one simple danish ring, I become as helpless as a babe.

This is why today I am in the protein bar section. I am retraining my taste buds for the healthier things of life. I’m trading my donut for a brownie bar that has the consistency and taste of expired jerky. My new breakfast cereal is new and improved with ten times the fiber of tree bark. I’m also limiting myself with genetically altered vegetables on the salad bar. Although I must say that once you cut off all the toes and fingers, they can be quite tasty.

So how is my goal of evolving from a roll model to a role model working? Well my most effective weight loss program at the moment is eating meals in front of a mirror while wearing a bathing suit one size too small. While I can see some positive results, the drawback is there are ten restaurants in town now that won’t let me back.

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