Through the Eyes of an Immigrant


Growing up, I often wondered what it would be like to visit a foreign country? What is it like to hear everyone speaking a language or dialect I can’t understand? I no longer have to wonder. I wandered into my local Walmart last night and listened, you would have thought I had channeled Rip Van Winkle and had woken up in Costa Rica. Everyone  around me was speaking in Spanish. Call a customer service line anytime and you’ll be speaking to someone who barely grasps their own language let alone yours. Stay at a hotel anymore and the official scent of the lobby seems to be curry. Even in places you’d never imagine like the town of Manchester, New Hampshire, 82 separate languages are spoken daily in one school.

Picture the first day of class. The new little first grade teacher fresh out of college is brimming with confidence. She awaits her first class with a few jitters.  She welcomes each child; Amal, Maria, Muhammad, Tia, Barclay, Ephraim, Ling, to name a few. As she surveys the room she has one overwhelming thought, “I’m not teaching, I’m managing the United Nations.”

As a matter of inclusivity, I know her prevailing thought has to be, ” I hope I don’t have to sample all my children’s lunch boxes; camel milk and Kimchi taken together has to be explosive.” As I grasp this influx of foreigners, I assume our language must be down right daunting for them. Imagine as a first time immigrant reading this next sentence, “It’s apparent that to be a parent, nothing’s apparent. Makes perfect sense right? And how does one use the words: their, there, and they’re?

In many countries it is customary to have pictures instead of words on food labels. Thus a picture of a carrot or a potato means that’s the ingredient. I can picture a new immigrant walking down the baby food aisle and seeing a little jar of the smiling Gerber baby on it and letting out a blood curtling scream. At the height of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles craze, the movie characters who lived underground, were crime fighters. On a pizza box featuring these same Ninja Turtles some years ago, I saw the words emblazoned on the package, “Straight from the sewer to you.” I’m confident that any new American who read that box while they ate, must have completed their round of therapy by now.

I’m not planning a visit or mission trip to any foreign country. My mission in life is set. I’m going to stand in the grocery store aisle and help our new Americans read food labels. They need to be apprised that polish remover doesn’t eliminate people from Poland, nor can you spread KY jelly on toast. Oh and get the word out, facial tissue and toilet water do have a dual application. No really!

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Is Winter Over? Snow Way!


Facebook seems to be the perfect place to one-up someone when it comes to winter snow totals. It seems all my friends are caught up in days of shovelry.  I share some cute snow jokes I heard this week:

  1. Where does Frosty the Snowman keep his money? In a snow bank.
  2. Did you hear about the stressed out snowman who was acting flaky? He had a meltdown after he was indicted for having a slush fund.
  3. What did the snowman’s hat say to the scarf?
    You hang around while I go on ahead.
  4. Did you hear that Frosty the Snowman’s vacuum cleaner got clogged with large ice pellets? It proves that hail freezes hoover.

In our little corner of the world in western Tennessee, we got hit with a healthy dose of ice, sleet and snow. I’m sure my northern friends won’t cut me any slack; after all we only got four inches. But let’s not forget this is the south! We face tornadoes, poisonous snakes, and Yankees with U-Hauls with steely resolve; so we’re no wimps. But drop a few snow flakes on us and it’s Snowmageddon; the end of the world.

Growing up in New England I recall going to school even after a foot of snow would fall. But here in the south, two inches of snow translates into grocery stores being overrun like it was Black Friday at Wal-Mart. It’s our equivalent of the “Running of the Bulls” where everyone is madly running in the same direction. Except this time the participants are seeking just three items; milk, bread, and birth control. Trust me, they find these aisles in that exact order every time!

So mark your calendars. Since some slackers missed the proverbial supply train and missed out, nine months from now, our town’s maternity wards will resemble a bag of microwave popcorn the last thirty seconds of cooking time. Wrinkly new faces will be bursting in abundance. It could be worse. God forbid the trifecta of disasters hit at the same time; three inches of snow, no electricity, and the cartoon network goes off the air. Man the alarms, build schools now! We will have a tsunami of babies.

I have a burning question though, if bread is always the first thing that goes each time we have a hint of a disaster any disaster, why did Wonder Bread go bankrupt? Shouldn’t it be trading consistently at all-time highs? I mean, where did we get the euphemism, rolling in the dough anyway?

So, tonight I sit by the glow of a burning candle, with my arms around my sweetie, and I am sustaining myself with a warm piece of toast. Can life get any better than this? Or like the snow we had last night, have I drifted too?

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The Little Blog That Could


It has been over two and half years since I first got started with my web blog. Today I want to show you the power of the written word, it truly can travel around the world. Word Press which hosts my website, offers me a daily report of all the countries that access and read my web page. I have a faithful group of individuals that follow my bi-weekly thoughts, and I would love to get input from you on what you like and what you’d offer as advice for my writings. I might also like to take your responses and offer you a humorous or serious perspective on what may be on your mind. So feel free to share. I am most intrigued that I have a nice group in Brazil that reads my website faithfully.

In just the past 30 days, individuals in 41 countries as well as the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico have accessed my blog.

Argentina
Austria
Australia
Brazil
Canada
Cape Verde
Columbia
Costa Rica
Denmark
Dominican Republic
Germany
Greece
Hong Kong
India
Ireland
Indonesia
Italy
Japan
Korea, Republic of
Malaysia
Mexico
Moldavia
New Zealand
Norway
Philippines
Portugal
Romania
Saudi Arabia
Serbia
Slovakia
South Africa
Spain
Sweden
Switzerland
Taiwan
Thailand
Trinidad & Tobago
United Arab Emirates
Venezuela
Vietnam
and the United States

I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for supporting my passion of writing and helping me make new friends. John

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That’s the Good Stuff


A few years ago, country singer Kenny Chesney topped the charts with a song entitled, “The Good Stuff.” It was a reference to going into a bar one time and telling the bartender he wanted the “good stuff.” The wise bartender told him, “If you want the good stuff, you can’t buy it here.” He eluded to the fact that good things are the wonderful things in life that are the most precious. The song tells of young love that grows special over the years and how we should value what is most important.

It was late one summer night outside Burleson, Texas. I had just stopped at my fiancé’s home she shared with two friends just prior to us getting married. It had been a long day. I was the news director of a little radio station KPAR in Granbury, Texas and my days always started early 5 am. It seemed I never could spend enough time with the girl I was going to marry within a few short weeks. As we said our goodnights, she kissed me for luck and I hopped in my Caprice Classic Coupe to head back to my apartment in Keene.

Tonight was no different; I was tired. In fact as my mother used to say, “If my fanny were metal, you could see sparks when I walked” it was dragging. The prairie roads were long and straight and during the daylight hours you could see miles ahead of you with no difficulty. It may have been because the roads were so familiar or maybe I just wanted to get home to my bed; but I was driving far too fast. As I was traveling at 70 miles per hour, a reflection, almost imperceptible could be seen in the road. It looked like it was a pair of eyes belonging to a small animal. I knew it couldn’t be a deer, so I decided to slow down anyway less I splat a cat on my newly washed car.

What started out as a slight slowdown, turned into skidding tires and extreme heart palpitations. The minute reflection I now gazed upon was NOT a small cat, nor was it an animal of any kind. It was a reckless farmer backing up a two ton flat bed truck in the middle of the road; he was doing it without lights. He must have missed his turn. Anger bubbled up inside me as I witnessed this hapless no common sense driver backing up with nary a light or reflector on the truck. The truck was black and every reflector was missing or broken save a small partial piece hanging on by it’s last screw. It was this broken piece the size of a half dollar, that saved my life in a split second. My focus shifted at that very moment on what could have been. That little piece of red, was the sole reason I was later able to walk down the aisle six weeks later to marry my sweetheart.

When you hear me talking about God’s interventions in my life, you will be enlightened. When I talk about my life and the “good stuff”, you’ll now understand better why I refer to it as a reflection.

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