Facebook seems to be the perfect place to one-up someone when it comes to winter snow totals. It seems all my friends are caught up in days of shovelry. I share some cute snow jokes I heard this week:
- Where does Frosty the Snowman keep his money? In a snow bank.
- Did you hear about the stressed out snowman who was acting flaky? He had a meltdown after he was indicted for having a slush fund.
- What did the snowman’s hat say to the scarf?
You hang around while I go on ahead.
- Did you hear that Frosty the Snowman’s vacuum cleaner got clogged with large ice pellets? It proves that hail freezes hoover.
In our little corner of the world in western Tennessee, we got hit with a healthy dose of ice, sleet and snow. I’m sure my northern friends won’t cut me any slack; after all we only got four inches. But let’s not forget this is the south! We face tornadoes, poisonous snakes, and Yankees with U-Hauls with steely resolve; so we’re no wimps. But drop a few snow flakes on us and it’s Snowmageddon; the end of the world.
Growing up in New England I recall going to school even after a foot of snow would fall. But here in the south, two inches of snow translates into grocery stores being overrun like it was Black Friday at Wal-Mart. It’s our equivalent of the “Running of the Bulls” where everyone is madly running in the same direction. Except this time the participants are seeking just three items; milk, bread, and birth control. Trust me, they find these aisles in that exact order every time!
So mark your calendars. Since some slackers missed the proverbial supply train and missed out, nine months from now, our town’s maternity wards will resemble a bag of microwave popcorn the last thirty seconds of cooking time. Wrinkly new faces will be bursting in abundance. It could be worse. God forbid the trifecta of disasters hit at the same time; three inches of snow, no electricity, and the cartoon network goes off the air. Man the alarms, build schools now! We will have a tsunami of babies.
I have a burning question though, if bread is always the first thing that goes each time we have a hint of a disaster any disaster, why did Wonder Bread go bankrupt? Shouldn’t it be trading consistently at all-time highs? I mean, where did we get the euphemism, rolling in the dough anyway?
So, tonight I sit by the glow of a burning candle, with my arms around my sweetie, and I am sustaining myself with a warm piece of toast. Can life get any better than this? Or like the snow we had last night, have I drifted too?