What to Do with the Veja-Terrorists?


I am at a juxtaposition in my life. I either have to lose weight or buy clothes that look better infused with helium. If I lose weight, it will have to be on my terms. The world is now dominated with people with extra curves. Don’t believe me? Make a day trip to Wal-Mart. If the ratio is less than 4-to-1 chunky people to skinny ones, I’ll buy you a Snicker’s bar. On second thought, I’ll buy you a stalk of celery. If one is to lose any weight at all, becoming astutely aware of a vegetable that belongs in the plywood family is key. My wife says the Bible states “Our bodies are a temple of God”, however she says I tore mine down and put up a Pizza Hut. She has a point. When I sit down to a large pan pizza with extra cheese, I swear I hear the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing the Hallelujah Chorus in my ear.

You’d think since most people have a little extra weight they might be a little more understanding of those that do too; but they don’t. Too many people tend to look through rose colored mirrors. While they can see your flaws, they are oblivious to their own. I remember meeting an older couple for the first time at church in Kentucky. As a church member introduced me to both of them, the husband looked at me and the first words out of his mouth were, “Wow, does anybody get anything to eat at your house or do you eat it all?” Then as he laughed at his seemingly funny comment, gritting my teeth I turned to introduce them to my petite wife. When they both saw her, the wife jumped in with her own zinger by chuckling, “I guess they must be starving, look at her little size.” It was then that I envisioned Jesus’ example of bringing a whip into church and driving out the morons.” My wife tells me the true Biblical narrative is different than mine, but it still brings a smile to my face nonetheless when I think of my own interpretation.

In my life I have met individuals that were vega-terrorists. They scare you into living the good life. If you don’t do exactly what they do, then you are encouraged to purchase an asbestos suit; your future looks extremely hot. I do believe the vegan lifestyle is the best; who doesn’t? But I still adhere to my own belief system. If God meant for us to drink soymilk, he would have placed an udder on a bean. People need to understand that a vegetarian or vegan lifestyle does not make you holier, it makes you healthier. I’ll laugh heartily if one of the fruits on the Tree of Life when we get to heaven tastes exactly like caramel turtle cheesecake.

The Good Book says we all have crosses to bear. However if your unkind words and sarcasm add to my burden of carrying my cross, remember this. If I am being attached to my cross by your carrot, stalk of asparagus or hurtful words, technically I’m still being nailed.

About enthusiasmiscontagious

I am an individual who analyzes all facets of life in the hopes of squeezing out some of the humorous parts.
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One Response to What to Do with the Veja-Terrorists?

  1. Greg Cordray says:

    well if you have made a pizza hut I have a whole chain! those fools who tell me to loss weight I say I may be fat but your stupid and I can always diet! they get into shape I say round is a shape come out to the bush with me skinny people will get charged by a lion and will see who can run faster they loss because I think the lion just wants my lunch back in the truck and he not going to get it ! . celery is not food ! my Africa name is Mafua which means so fat you can make oil from ! and I have a theory people loss weight every day in the southern hemisphere and in the northern hemisphere if you and I did gain it the world would go out of balance !!!!! so as a thank you for doing this they should send us a pizza

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