I’m Confused, What’s Bad for Me?


If you’ve ever been to Times Square in New York City you’ll see that one of the buildings along the street has a scrolling news sign. It seems I need one of these each week just to keep me updated on what I see in the media that’s bad for me.

Talk about conflicting signals, this week I learned that I don’t know whether potato chips are a guilty pleasure or a intestinal hand grenade. A recent report stated that when a potato is fried, it enhances a cancer causing agent 39-times Federal guidelines. I also learned that the lemon wedges we place in our tea are teeming with germicidal vermin.

Not to be outdone on the food front, consumer advocates said this past week that the present stock of children’s car seats now have to be redesigned because they don’t meet new safety standards. How did we live in the 60’s and 70’s? When I was a baby I had a car seat that had hooks that hung over the seat. God forbid if the car ever rolled. I used to sleep in the back window of the car though, can you imagine that now? That fact alone tells us how small cars have shrunk since then. I’d need a Winnebago to do that now.

I’m under the impression that the media has a department they don’t like to talk about. It’s the Scare Mongering Department. I envision editors and big wigs each week pouring over depressing flowcharts trying to decide what story they can print or talk about live on a news show that can sap the joy out of our lives for another week.

“Hey Fred, let’s do a story that shows more people die from bean sprouts than from yellow cake uranium.” “Great, and while we’re at it, let’s tell everyone that outhouse basements are cleaner than any grocery cart handle at the supermarket.” Perfect!

Where does it stop? I was watching a television commercial, the spokesperson said the product was a wonder drug for their ailment. The tag at the end of the commercial downright scared me worse than the ailment. That’s when you hear the announcer say faster than an auctioneer, “Side effects include; bloating, embolisms, body part leakage, twenty pound earlobes, hammer toe, flu like symptoms, and the plague.”

I think I’d rather suffer the ailment!

I wish Spring would hurry up and get here, I’d love to go outside and get away from all this bad news and just lay in the sun. Oops, bad idea, I may get skin cancer. On second thought if you need me, I’ll be in the tub soaking with my ear plugs in.

About enthusiasmiscontagious

I am an individual who analyzes all facets of life in the hopes of squeezing out some of the humorous parts.
This entry was posted in The Lighter Side Newspaper column and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to I’m Confused, What’s Bad for Me?

  1. Jacqueline says:

    Very humorously put John. Amber noticed the commercials about the meds with horrible side effects when she was very young and would say “why would anyone want to take that, it’s worse than the condition”. You would think that adults would notice that. It seems like there is something wrong with everything anymore, so my motto is eat what God allows and everything in moderation….and hope for the best….lol.

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