I’ve Been Insulted


I am amazed each week the number of people who seem to look for opportunities to feel slighted. I think I’ve become an expert at identifying such a person. At least from the two stories I’m about to share you might guess which is legitimate and which is not. My first story is one that occurred last week thanks to a mix up by a large Canadian beverage manufacturer.

Let me paint the scenario for you. You have an extremely low self esteem. That is why you have a family pet. They’ll love you always, right? So you get up groggy to prepare for the job you hate, only to be scratched by cat FiFi when you push her off your freshly pressed pants. To tired to care, you put the pants on anyway and tell yourself, “I’ll just tell everyone they’re made of mohair. Baffled by your cat’s behavior you chock it up that maybe house pets have bad days too!

Now cranky, you wobble out to the kitchen for a piece of burnt toast and coffee. The coffee being so strong, it makes your socks stand up. You now rush out the door and settle into the torn seat of your car. Your rust bucket of a car looks so bad, it looks like it led convoys in Afghanistan for the past fifteen years. Or better yet, it looks like it took direct hits from a golf club wielded by Tiger Woods ex-wife. Despite the fact you are only four miles by the crow flies to your place of employment, you merge into traffic for the 45 minute highway gridlock ride to the job you hate.

The only thing redemptive about your job is lunch and it’s time now. You settle into a tight fitting seat only to find a sticky table. You know it’s a ridiculously dumpy food dive, but you’ll go anyplace to escape your pathetic job and boring existence. You twist the lid off your soda pop only to find a stark assessment of your life printed under the lid. The words under the cap state, “You Retard.” The only thing that keeps running through your mind is really?

This scenario may not be far from the truth. In a promotion last week that was meant for French speaking customers, French bottles made by Coke, found their way to an English speaking population in central Canada. The manufacturer aghast with the mix up, promptly cancelled the advertising campaign by simply saying, The words “You retard”, actually means “You’re Late” in French.

How would you like to have the worse week of you life only to be insulted by your beverage? Talk about bad timing. I can just see this hapless person, everything in his life is wrong, feeling that even the cosmic soda gods are now in cahoots against him.

You may find his dilemma a little easier to explain than the story of this one married woman. A man returning home from work heard his wife in the living room calling out his name. She said, “Come in here and watch this program on television with me.” She said, “It’s about a large woman with no confidence who’s made to look good for a day.”
He replied from the kitchen, “Are you watching our wedding video again?

Of the two stories, both wore their feelings on their sleeves. However with the second story, I’m not sure it was just feelings she wore. I think her sleeves bore the remnants of mopping him up.

About enthusiasmiscontagious

I am an individual who analyzes all facets of life in the hopes of squeezing out some of the humorous parts.
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