There comes a moment in every person’s life when their own expiration date is given more thought than usual. It occurred to me on two separate occasions. The first occasion was when I went to lunch with a buddy of mine in Silver City, NM some years ago. I was all of 37 years of age and the young cashier at the restaurant gave me the senior citizens discount. The second time was when a cute young woman who I mistook for flirting actually said to me, “I think you’re great, you remind me of my Dad.”

When did my life go from Spin the Bottle to Spin the Hot Water Bottle? Whatever happened, it went by all too fast. I attended a funeral service recently for a great man. He was beloved and the proof was in the amount of flowers at his memorial service. I counted in excess of 26 large floral arrangements. While it perked up the dreary atmosphere a tad, I thought to myself, what an irony about life and death. We give flowers to individuals who can’t smell them and we say the most beautiful things about an individual one week too late.

I remember the story of a husband and wife. The wife out of the blue, asked her husband, “If anything ever happens to me, would you remarry?” Without blinking an eye, the husband quickly responded, “Of course I would.”

A little shaken by the quickness of his answer the wife said, “Well, would you let her wear my clothes?” Of course, you have a closet full,” said the husband. “Would you let her drive my car?” Yes it’s paid for.” Clearly angry with his flippant answers she then added, “would you let her use my golf clubs?” He quickly and emphatically said, “No, absolutely not, never!” Shocked at his response she said, “Why would you let her use everything except my golf clubs?” He said, “She’s left-handed!” I can only surmise the next words spoken by the wife were, “and that Your Honor is when I hit him with the frying pan!”

I have great respect for individuals who are planners, however this man threw extreme caution to the wind. When my insurance agent asked me, “what motivates you to live?” I told him I didn’t want my insurance policy to subsidize some young guy making the moves on my wife after I had stepped off my earthly carousel ride.

I have given much thought after performing a myriad amount of funeral services that I want my service to be unique. I am cognizant that the first three letters in the word funeral is fun so that’s what I want. No, I don’t necessarily want a recital of my repertoire of lame jokes nor do I want any flowers save maybe one rose. What I want in place of the flowers, I want sweet rolls and cakes all over the floral shelves. Afterwards, all the delicacies can be shared with my friends and the extras taken to a homeless shelter. I figure, if anyone should hear my name for the first or last time, I want it to leave a sweet taste in their mouth. That would be fun. 🙂