My Life has too many Assumptions


I was making a phone call to a company the other day and before I could say hello, the receptionist said, ” Please hold!” and promptly placed me on hold. Five minutes of 70’s music played in oboe, zither, and accordion, she returned with a cheery, “Thanks for being patient.” So I happily responded back, “Did I have a choice?” Pausing for a moment she smiled and with a chuckle said, “well no”. This was the first of many irritating assumptions in my day. She thought I didn’t mind holding.

I had a stranger drive up to my church on a ten speed bike and asked for gloves and a container of kerosene. He said he was cold. This was my second assumption. When did churches start advertising Isotoners and fuel giveaways and why did he think I readily had these items?

I then went to the gas station to cash in my grocery fuel points for discount gas and found out that one of my “beloved” children got a bargain in their tank of gas instead of me. $2.99 for Super Unleaded they bragged later. Silly me, I suffered a third assumption of the day. My rewards program points are for everyone else in the family but me.

Finally at the end of my busy day, tired and wanting a simple bowl of cereal before I went to bed, I reached for the gallon of milk only to find the container bone dry. Have you ever tried to eat Grape Nuts without moisture? All I could think of was, I’d be like the birds you hear about at weddings that eat the rice thrown at the wedding couple only to swell and blow up later when they drink water. I couldn’t get that image out of my head, so I chose to go to bed hungry.

I’d like to brag that I slept like a baby and in all reality I did! I tossed and turned and cried intermittently throughout the night. Maybe the commercials are correct. When you don’t “Got Milk”, the world is a very sad place indeed. Let’s assume tomorrow will be a better day, I’ve already made a picnic list. What, Rain? Are you kidding me?

About enthusiasmiscontagious

I am an individual who analyzes all facets of life in the hopes of squeezing out some of the humorous parts.
This entry was posted in The Lighter Side Newspaper column and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to My Life has too many Assumptions

  1. Tesa says:

    I can actually hear your voice in this post. Off subject…. I was listening to talk radio yesterday and heard your voice. Not a caller, but the show’s host and he was from Boston and I just couldn’t believe how much it sounded like your voice. That’s been twice in the last twenty years that I could have sworn I heard you on the radio…. (shrug)….. Anyway… just thought I would share that random piece of nonsense….. Love you and LeAnne…

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