This New Year, I’m Proud to Be Me


It’s no wonder people have such a low self-esteem nowadays. All the magazines I see being sold have nothing but flawless people on the covers. I was standing in a checkout line at my favorite grocery store, when I saw a women’s magazine with a bold headline, “How to Get Men to Notice You!” The beautiful woman on the cover wore so little clothing that she looked like her laundry hamper was a thimble. The absurdity caught my eye. If most people looked this way, would they have to buy the magazine for enlightenment?

What we need to do today is take a moment to acknowledge what you like about yourself. The second thing you need to do is share this information with a close friend or significant other. My wife and I are opposites. She’s so small she has to run around the shower to get wet. Me on the other hand? Well let’s just say that my insurance company wants me to live on members of the plywood family, celery and carrots for the rest of my life.

Our society is a little off course. We label people as if they were a can of Campbell’s soup. Everyone must fit into our template in which the rules change frequently. If my hair is long, I’m a renegade, if I wear polyester, I’m a nerd. If I have a tattoo, I need to have a parrot on my should and I need to say, arrgh matey often! If I’m underweight, I’m anorexic. Overweight, people lose respect for me. The list could go on and on.

Something I find positive about having added girth is I give good directions. Whatever you do, don’t ask a skinny person for directions if you’re lost. A conversation with them would go something like this:
“Can you tell me how to get to upper Forks?” Skinny person, “Why yes, “take a jog six miles west until you hit the historical marker. Shortly after it, make a right at the tamarack tree on Pine and Elm, and when you get to the old Elmer Sizemore farm, it’s 200 yards past it behind a giant fern.”

Now, ask an overweight person the same question, and this is what you get. “Travel two blocks till you come to Burger King. A block past it, make a right at the Dunkin Donuts, pass Dairy Queen, and it will be there on the right across from Starbucks.”
You see, much easier!

A story is told of three couples who attempting to rekindle the romance and self esteem missing in their relationship, attended a weekend marriage seminar. The instructor actively encouraged each couple to attempt to be more loving. He told the men that during the lunch break, they had to begin fanning the embers of their wife’s desire by saying something romantic. The trio of three couples now seated around the table, the women each wondered what their husband would say.

Seizing the moment, the first husband desperate for approval said to his wife, “Pass the sugar, Sugar.” And they kissed passionately. The second husband not to be outdone said to his wife slowly with a lot of annunciation, “I want the honey, Honey.” They too began to kiss passionately. The third husband still overloaded from all the days information said, “Pass the tea, bag.”

This serves to prove that despite all the training you may have to do on behalf of your kids or spouse, don’t be discouraged. They still may get it one day. I suggest that you take yourself out, sit down, and write something nice about yourself. If your spouse is like the 3rd husband, you deserve it.

About enthusiasmiscontagious

I am an individual who analyzes all facets of life in the hopes of squeezing out some of the humorous parts.
This entry was posted in The Lighter Side Newspaper column and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

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