It seems like over the past twenty years, a philosophy has made it’s way into our country’s psyche. Make an apology, and everything will miraculously be alright. It’s as if we are living our lives through the pages of the National Enquirer. I have seen public figures apologize for hitting, kicking, and abusing others. I have seen television evangelists apologize for going astray, I have even seen actors who portrayed good cops themselves, being thrown in jail for tax evasion and abuse. Yet, with a quick, I”m sorry”, everyone feels good about the individual and they are restored with nary a bump in the road. My problem is I haven’t heard this many insincere apologies since I was on the playground in kindergarten.

The President of the United States has a knack for apologizing for things that didn’t even happen yesterday, but century’s ago. An apology doesn’t change the past. It purports to make us feel collectively sorry. Politicians know the benefit of apologies. If you can say I’m sorry for someone else’s transgression, you can appear to be caring without garnering much criticism. Maybe you’re like me. I don’t want meaningless apologies! I just want to have faith in my fellow man that they will do the right thing and will treat each other and me with respect.

I have decided in the public interest so that we no longer have to endure anymore public apologies in the future, to make amends here.
I want to apologize for our past and current mistakes so that we can finally get on with our lives.

I want to apologize for rap music, lava lamps, leisure suits, purple eye shadow, Kim Kardashian, and Justin Bieber. I also want to apologize for spam mail, MTV, junk mail, rude drivers, the IRS, spandex, Black Friday, political commercials, saggy pants, and Speedos on pudgy men. Okay, I take the last one back; Speedos on ALL men.

I feel so much better now, don’t you?