I had a humbling epiphany about myself this morning when I went to make myself a sandwich. I made a faux pax, the kind that makes you want to wear a paper crown from Burger King that boldly states, I am a goober!

We just purchased some deli sliced cheese and my taste buds were salivating. I whipped open the package and found the cheese was remarkably easy to separate. I pulled off the first slice with ease, placed it in my bread with a healthy dollop of mustard and fixings and promptly took a bite. Something wasn’t right the moment I started to chew. It was then I realized why. Each slice had a thin layer of paper between the cheese slices. No wonder it was so easy to prepare my sandwich. Like a cow chewing with its’ jaws moving side to side, I realized I was chomping on cheese and paper. I’d like to tell you that retrieving the paper was done with dignity. It wasn’t! I had all the grace of a Great White feeding off a chum bucket. Needless to say I had to spit out the piece and start over again.

As foolish as it was for me to make a paper sandwich, I gladly abdicated my goober crown today. This week the news talked about a contest. Not just any contest, but one that gives participants the bragging rights to eating the most cockroaches. A 32-year-old Florida man who had earlier in the day entered a worm eating contest, indulged his adrenalin further by sitting down to a bowl of Madagascar Roaches. The major drawback to his desire to grab attention was that he promptly dropped dead after he won the event. A psychologist commenting in the news article said, “People are always looking for things to make life more interesting, at a certain level we’re all looking for things to break up the monotony” Ahem, excuse me, but I choose monotony.

What was the grand prize for this repugnant event? Surely it had to be something huge; tickets to Walt Disney World, a new motorcycle, groceries for a year? Nope, the prize, was a small green snake.

Though the autopsy report will probably say the cause of death was a bug. (no pun intended) I think it had something to do with deficient brain matter and being a real goober! Anyone want to take the crown next?