I had a humbling epiphany about myself this morning when I went to make myself a sandwich. I made a faux pax, the kind that makes you want to wear a paper crown from Burger King that boldly states, I am a goober!
We just purchased some deli sliced cheese and my taste buds were salivating. I whipped open the package and found the cheese was remarkably easy to separate. I pulled off the first slice with ease, placed it in my bread with a healthy dollop of mustard and fixings and promptly took a bite. Something wasn’t right the moment I started to chew. It was then I realized why. Each slice had a thin layer of paper between the cheese slices. No wonder it was so easy to prepare my sandwich. Like a cow chewing with its’ jaws moving side to side, I realized I was chomping on cheese and paper. I’d like to tell you that retrieving the paper was done with dignity. It wasn’t! I had all the grace of a Great White feeding off a chum bucket. Needless to say I had to spit out the piece and start over again.
As foolish as it was for me to make a paper sandwich, I gladly abdicated my goober crown today. This week the news talked about a contest. Not just any contest, but one that gives participants the bragging rights to eating the most cockroaches. A 32-year-old Florida man who had earlier in the day entered a worm eating contest, indulged his adrenalin further by sitting down to a bowl of Madagascar Roaches. The major drawback to his desire to grab attention was that he promptly dropped dead after he won the event. A psychologist commenting in the news article said, “People are always looking for things to make life more interesting, at a certain level we’re all looking for things to break up the monotony” Ahem, excuse me, but I choose monotony.
What was the grand prize for this repugnant event? Surely it had to be something huge; tickets to Walt Disney World, a new motorcycle, groceries for a year? Nope, the prize, was a small green snake.
Though the autopsy report will probably say the cause of death was a bug. (no pun intended) I think it had something to do with deficient brain matter and being a real goober! Anyone want to take the crown next?
Excellent articles. This one kept me laughing as well as my attention. Hmm, all of them have that I’ve read so far. Great stories.