Finally, the conventions are over! I now have the same feelings one gets when, after two days, the Metamucil finally kicks in.

Each night, no matter the party affiliation, Americans endured more hot air than a rest stop hand dryer and more insincerity than a Hollywood agents heart. As each speaker bloviated and pounded the bully pulpit,  each yelling at me that I had but one choice for a candidate, I couldn’t help but feel like the Tin Man and the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. Standing in front of what they thought was the fiery Wizard, they couldn’t help but be drawn to a man behind the drapes, operating levers and switches. The man, seeing his identity was being revealed, kept yelling, “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!” The reality is, the landscape of politics in this country is deeply flawed. Someone other than the obvious is running the show and the whole system is as fake as football stadium AstroTurf.

Each election year I feel like the ugliest kid in school. In the hallway, walking towards me is the prettiest most popular cheerleader. As I am mesmerized by her soothing voice and seductive perfume. I can’t believe she’s asking me if I would promise to go to the prom with her. I pinch myself. I say yes. My pulse races,  and I dream that maybe this time, I won’t be made a joke. The weeks leading up to the big day are euphoric; the future looks bright! But strangely on the evening of the big night, you find you’ve been used. The cheerleader had only asked you out so she could make a play for someone else. Now, while everyone parties, you’re lost, stretched out on the couch eating a bag of stale cheese puffs, feeling lower than the broken Cheeto that now rests in your navel. Another string of broken promises that once possessed such lofty expectations.

Politics are ugly, the conventions proved it. If I wanted to hear individuals calling each other names all the time, I’d check back into kindergarten.

From now on if politicians want to engage me, this is what I expect of them, “Be honest with me, don’t lie, and work hard.” That’s all. That’s my platform. You see, I want a congressman who can keep a promise, not one who is the best money can buy. There’s too many of those in Washington already! And if they don’t listen to our wishes, let’s do what other reality shows do with a flourish, vote them off our island.