When my wife is absent


Today I am challenged with independence. I say this because my wife is gone for ten days. Wow, ten glorious days! I can push the envelope and no one will know. I can rent the movie Old Yeller and no one will see me cry. I can eat on a paper doily and not a clay plate that sports an apple design; thus no dishes to wash. The temperature in the house can stay consistent and won’t fluctuate like the winter months on the planet Neptune. I can stay out late, I can eat a Little Debbie and I won’t hear my wife say, “If your Body is the temple of God, why do you have to tear yours  down and put up a Pizza Hut”?

In addition, I won’t have to worry that an offending snack wrapper will be found under the driver’s seat. I won’t see a Soymilk carton in the refrigerator. You see, I have a firm belief if God had wanted us to drink Soymilk, he would have placed udders on beans!

I can hog the blankets, stay up late, dress myself without her ‘wise counsel’, and listen to my favorite songs on the radio while I travel. I can even wear a Speedo to the pool if I want. Okay scratch the last one, I don’t want an eery silence falling upon nature and crickets when they see me. I can take out the car and I don’t have to choose between driving or steering, I can actually do both.

Yup, the world is my oyster for the next ten days. I can do whatever I want, yes siree, whatever I want……. Who am I kidding? (sniffle, sniffle) I miss her already and it’s only been 15 minutes. Forget it, who needs Ole Yeller, I’ve got tears now. 😦

About enthusiasmiscontagious

I am an individual who analyzes all facets of life in the hopes of squeezing out some of the humorous parts.
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One Response to When my wife is absent

  1. Kelly Gates says:

    Four glorious days of independence left John!

    Hopefully that initial bout of missing her has worn off and you’ve resumed your original line of thinking! Those opportunities don’t come along too often and you have to seize them when they come! So set that thermostat where you like it, and be empowered to do your own steering as you drive down to the store – don’t worry about those pedestrians, they’ll get off the sidewalk as you get closer… pick up some paper doilies, Little Debbie’s, whole milk, a copy of Ol’ Yeller and a Speedo. Damn the torpedoes – full speed ahead man!!

    Come on out when you get the chance – I need to show you the Grand Canyon!

    Kelly G.

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