Perusing the aisles of my favorite bargain place recently I saw something that made me laugh. On a can of fruit, the label stated cholesterol free. Not to be outdone, another label on bottled water read ‘zero’ fiber. I thought to myself, “Really?” Have we become so uneducated that we need to initiate warning labels that tell us things like chocolate milk isn’t produced solely by brown cows?”

I laughed heartily at the nonsense of it all until it hit me that these warnings are there because so many unfortunate rubes are blissfully unaware they are missing a common sense gene.

A shudder went down my spine as I recalled the new iron we purchased, the tag stated, “Do not Iron clothes while wearing them!”. Our lawnmower pamphlet warned, ” Cannot be used as a hedge clipper”. Horrors, some goober somewhere in this great country of ours, at this very moment is probably suffering second degree burns in an attempt to take the wrinkles out of his Fruit of the Looms. Or even worse someone has earned the name stubby because the lawnmower he used to prune hedges cost him his fingers. I take heart, at least I haven’t seen a warning label that emphatically states plugged in Toasters cannot be used as bath toys? However this may prove how boxing promoter Don King got his hairstyle.

Needless to say, everyday I see proof that intelligence is a waning commodity. A newspaper in eastern Kentucky a few years back had a front page headline that boldly proclaimed (I’m not making this up), “Funeral Director stiffs customers.” Even walking past the Pike County Coroners office, with the official seal of Kentucky emblazoned on it’s door, these words appear below the official seal; “Where people are our greatest resource.” Really?

Well at least I can sleep at night now. I don’t have to worry if the coroner’s office is spending lesser resources moonlighting as a taxidermist on highway possums.